That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
