I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
