Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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