I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
