i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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