Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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