don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
