Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
