My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
