tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
