i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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