Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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