I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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