Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
