I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
