GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
