i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
