im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize