2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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