could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
