u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
