Well douche your snatch and let's go!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
