Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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