Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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