u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
