I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
