And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
