if i can run in heels then i can drive
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
