haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can text with my tongue
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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