It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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