I love black thongs
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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