Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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