we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
