Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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