omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
