Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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