Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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