He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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