I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
