How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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