i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
