pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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