I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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