Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
