Dual....:-)
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
