We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
