Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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