i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
