I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The air was thick with penises
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
