First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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