We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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