Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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