No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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