why didn't you poke me back
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
