I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
