That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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