did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
