If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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