Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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