I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
