i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She bit a glass in half.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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