my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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