I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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