Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
