Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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