Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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