My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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