i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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