Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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