Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
