Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
