Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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