Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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