i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
