I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
