Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
