I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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