He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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