if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
