Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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