You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
