There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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