i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
