I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
