glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
