I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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