YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
