She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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