It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
