dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
