ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
