i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
