You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
