Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
