The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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