We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
