Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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