So drunk, too bad you don't want this
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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