We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
