This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize