what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
