i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
