i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
