i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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